Unfiltered flow of drunken thoughts

Sometimes I get drunk, and it's very rarely that I do. And It's even more rare that I start writing when I'm drunk. Well, this was one of those occasions. It's not great. It just is.

I want you.

I want your skin to touch mine,

and I want to hear your voice,

and I want you to tell me about your day,

and I want to dive into your imagination and hold your hand,

because that's where I belong.

I want us to share our fears,

and to smell each other like the instinctual animals that we actually are,

because we think too much,

and we say too much,

and we write too much,

but all we want to be is these primal creatures that just love each other by default,

and get lost in each other without words.

We don't need to talk.

I know this,

because when my hand goes down from your neck down your spine,

and my nails scratch you gently,

I feel your whole body curve under my touch,

and that tells me exactly how you feel.

We don't need to talk,

because you touch my chest,

and you breathe into my mouth when you kiss me,

and from the rhythm of your breath,

and from how long it takes you until you breathe again,

I know how you feel.

And because we are such trusting creatures,

you get to be your worst,

and I am not afraid of you,

and you talk to me about dark things,

and I absorb it all,

because I can take it.

And this is how I know how you feel.

And sometimes you hurt me.

But it's OK.

Because you hurt ME,

and not someone else,

and I can take it,

because I am you,

and you are me,

and it's all good because we are both freaks.

And I love you deeply,

from the DNA,

and you are YOU,

a mystical being that remains untouchable,

regardless of how deep I touch you.

Acasă

Românie, mai lasă-mă să plec.

Mai tacă-ți vanturile și pădurile, 

Mai tacă-ți cascadele și vocea mamei. 

O să plec, dar o sa iau cu mine liniștea cimitirului din sat.

Do you know of time?

Knowledge can be painful.
It brings awareness.
Like when a child who comes into the world pure and uncorrupted by the paradigm that we have created, and through knowledge, this child is introduced to the concept of time.
this causes the child from that moment on to spend his life looking at clocks, as they are counting down his life, terrified by his own mortality.
So, in a way, knowledge comes at the price of your immortality,
for one is not born with the concept of death, but has to learn of it.

Another dream

I had the weirdest dream.

I was working for a publishing house/newspaper at the turn of the century, very early 1900. And I got sent to Czechoslovakia to a cancer hospital. It was like a prison for prisoners of war/hospital for cancer people.

And I was supposed to pick the best story, or most impressive story to get published, and whoever I picked would be released and cured, because they had the cure, but it was only available for rich people. It was like a lottery scheme, where we save someone with a worthy story. And I get there and everyone was behind bars, in beds, with mould everywhere and some plants, like ivy growing from the walls, around the prisoners, and into the ground. And they all knew why I’m there, so they were raising their bald heads, with almost see-through skin, and deep dark eyes with glimmers of hope in them. Some of them were even smiling. They were all weak and most of them couldn’t speak, and those who could were begging me to pick them, screaming, crying, trying all sorts of tricks, bald women, all locked in the same cell, trying with whatever was left of their charms to seduce me, others were promising me all of their possessions, land, houses and money…

And suddenly I had a thought!

I can’t pick who gets to live or die. That is a power that no man should have! I don’t want that power! But I can’t save everyone either… But I can try. So, I decided to make a big announcement: I am going to take all of their stories with me in the hopes that they will warm the hearts of the people who can actually save them, who have the means and access to that life-saving technology, (which involved a little bit of science, alchemy and various other methods, no one really knew how it works outside the people who invented it, but what mattered is that it did work). And even if their minds would be hard to change, at least I could give everyone an equal chance…

So right when I was about to say it, one of the prisoners escapes from his cell and starts grabbing me, begging me in a very broken English to take him out of there, saying that he is some aristocrat from a northern family, and he will give me everything he owns, but we must hurry, we have to go now, before the guard shows up! And is said no, you don’t need to escape, listen, everything is going to be alright, I’m about to make this big announcement… And the guard came and he shot him.

As they were carrying his body away, more guards came and they grabbed me and started to drag me towards the now empty cell from where that prisoner tried to escape. And I was protesting, saying “what are you doing, where are you taking me, I have a big announcement to make…” and they were ignoring me, or saying things like “yeah, of course you do, you can have your announcement later...”. So they locked me in that cell and the weeds started to grow around me and I was getting weaker and weaker…

Because, you see, that was the cancer cure. Those weeds were sucking the life out of the prisoners and they would give it to the rich, who could afford it…

Of Love And Fear

My body is looking for her body.
My lips are looking for her lips.
My hand under the pillow is searching for her hand.

She is my mirror
And everything I do has an echo in her.

And she breathes into my breath,
And she dreams into my dreams.

If she could see herself as I do,
She would love herself

And never need me again...

I've learned your name

                                                       

I've learned your name
And I say it easily, as if it were my own.

I've learned your looks,
When your eyes frown or drift away...

I've learned the corners of your mouth
As they curb up or down when you're thinking.

I've learned your clothes
And how you feel from what you wear.

I've learned your fingers and your skin
And I know them in the sun or in the dark.

I've learned your breath and heartbeat so well,
That sometimes I don't know where you end and I begin...

The Garden

I've been a garden open to the world,

With trees of green and twisted paths, I'm told,

And everybody came and picked my flowers,

But you're the only one that stayed for hours.

When you're around, my colors are in bloom,

And when you go, I'm silent, like a tomb...

Cause I have been abused in many ways,

But you're the only one that stayed for days.

My tendrils reaching out to climb the walls,

And when you're gone it's like the autumn falls,

Because I've been alone and lived in fear.

So maybe you will stay, at least a year?

So come, my gardener, gently touch my leaves,

And I will give you flowers, birds and trees,

With branches I will wipe away your tears

In hope you'll stay with me for many years.

And as you care for me, I will protect you,

And keep you safe and grow my arms around you,

And through my canopy I'll let the sun shine,

So maybe spend with me, at least a lifetime...